What EPL Team You Should Support Based On Your Personality
STORY: Farhan Shafie
12 September 2020
The brand new Premier League season kicks off this weekend and for English football fans here in Singapore, it's their favourite time of the year.
But if you happen to be that one guy amongst your friends who can't tell the difference between Man Utd and Man City or that girlfriend who has to bedgrudgingly put up with your partner's football obsession, do not fret.
Most Singapore EPL fans pick a club to support based on a variety of reasons. It might be due to family pressure (your Liverpool-loving dad will disown you if you were to come out as a Manchester fan), their cool jersey designs or simply an admiration for a team's star player (i.e. Tottenham Hotspur has a Korean idol in Son Heung-min).
But what if you could choose an EPL team that best reflects your personality? Whether you're a serial winner, an off-beat hipster or just enjoy a lovable underdog story, there might just be club out there that resonates with you.
The Hao Lian
Fun fact: They are the reigning Premier League champions, winning their first title in 30 years. Before that, they were known as the sleeping giants and nearly men of English football, holding on to the glory days of the 80s like some sort of fever dream.
Fans are most likely: Uncles walking around like they've just awaken from a 30-year fever dream, barely believing this current reality. You can't blame them for rubbing their victory in everyone's faces and generally annoying the rest of the football fanbase.
Support them if you: Enjoy backing a winning horse or gravitate towards a Hollywood-worthy redemption story.
Chelsea, Manchester City
Fun fact: One is backed by a Russian oligarch. The other is financed by a Dubai billionaire. Chelsea just spent over 200 million euros on new players for the upcoming season while Man City was most recently linked with Lionel Messi, the greatest player of this generation before he decided to stay put as his current club Barcelona.
Fans are most likely: Those who enjoy a good Michelin meal, skip Uniqlo and buy their wardrobe basics from Calvin Klein, and ask “what’s public transport?”
Support them if you: Can identify with being a Crazy Rich Asian or want a team that best reflects your luxe lifestyle.
The Jaded Millennial
Manchester United, Arsenal
Fun fact: They're two of the most well-supported clubs in Singapore due to their success in the early 2000s. The Red Devils were serial winners boasting superstars in the past such as David Beckham (google him) and Cristiano Ronaldo but has sunked into mediocrity ever since their legendary manager Sir Alex Ferguson retired in 2013. Ditto Arsenal too.
Fans are most likely: 90s kids who yearn for the nostalgic, simpler times of their childhood while being glued to their smartphones and social media. They will blame their teams' misfortunes on everything else but themselves. A mixture of inflated self-worth and being in complete denial.
Support them if you: Still watch Pokemon, prefer early 2000s boybands or have the need to lecture people who use Tik Tok while secretly practising those viral dance challenges as well.
The Certificate Of Participation
Tottenham Hotspur, Everton, Newcastle United, Southampton, Burnley
Fun fact: All the aforementioned clubs were founded in the 1800s, meaning they boast a history of more than a hundred years and feature some of the most passionate fanbases in history. The thing is... they haven't really won anything much.
Fans are most likely: Stuck in toxic and abusive relationships to the point they suffer from Stockholm Syndrome.
Support them if you: Were an average student or lack any ambition, currently living life on cruise control.
Wolverhampton Wanderers, Sheffield United, Leicester City, Leeds United
Fun fact: They were the surprise packages of last season. Wolves boast a cool nickname, an iconic mustard yellow kit and a man beast star player in Adama Traore (pictured above). Sheffield United were new in the league last year but still finished in the top half and their nickname is The Blades (enough said).
Leicester were 2nd in the league beating much more illustrious clubs till late in the campaign last time out while Leeds are the new kids on the block winning a fairytale promotion after being out of the top flight for 16 years.
Fans are most likely: Listen to indie music, dream of visiting Coachella, either play in a band or rock a bunch of tattoos with tumblr-worthy quotes.
Support them if you: Support an outsider, underdog, creep or weirdo. At this point we're just quoting Radiohead but you get the point. You will definitely win some cool hipster points amongst football supporters if you were to namedrop any one of these clubs, let alone adopt them as your own.
The Jialat, Cannot Make It
West Ham United, Aston Villa, Fulham, West Bromwich Albion, Crystal Palace, Brighton & Hove Albion
Fun fact: They all suck.
Fans are most likely: Idealistic to the point of delusion or twisted individuals who just like to see the world burn.
Support them if you: Enjoy The Joker more than The Batman, and no, we're not talking about Heath Ledger's portrayal but Jared Leto's.